The past year 2012 – Reflection

If it’s one thing I’m going to do today it is the first entry to this blog. I want to set something where I write an entry every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday or Sunday. Not set in stone but it might get me to write. The new school semester begins tomorrow. I finally got my rental car back today too. So I think this first entry will reflect on the year as a whole. Followed by what the future looks like in the next one.

Looking back on this year, it has been a very rewarding and character building year. One I have never experienced before. While I feel there were times where I had come to such character building desires in the past, but due to peer pressure from friends or this and that I would drop the matter completely. It was the same thing as usual this year, but gradually things started to change for the better in my thoughts and actions. I don’t want to say it was a good thing but losing my license was really the first thing that changed many of my daily habits, and gave me a push that I needed.

One habit that changed due to losing a car was my heavy drinking, which I picked up from when I lived in South Korea. I couldn’t get to alcohol AS easily without a car. I am glad that I have returned back to a level where it’s not something I absolutely NEED to do every day or every weekend anymore. It was that destructive. I am finally back in control. I really want to stop drinking as often, and to go against that would be betraying myself. It’s hard to imagine there were many days I would wake up with a horrible hang over and have to go into work or it would ruin my entire weekend because nothing could get done. As if I was being very productive to begin with.

The second thing that helped me change is just the circumstances of where I am working now. It gives me the opportunity to research and explore things for personal growth. It just seems so ridiculous now. Why did I put my life on hold? Why was I sleepwalking through life? If only I knew myself a little better could I have made better choices. Just because I had a sketchy goal, didn’t mean I had to just waste away the days that I have now. I wish I had learned this sooner or someone had told me sooner.

I’ve always felt like I have this image of myself, but for the past six months I have been realizing that I can live a better life. I can be much more than what I am now, and it doesn’t matter what other people think. I am giving myself purpose and a reason to be here right now. I’ve willingly let others control my feelings and thoughts but this is my story! This is my life! So, I need to act like it.

Change doesn’t happen instantly but I think for the past year I have made a lot of great and important changes that will have a ripple effect. I know there are many times where I might slip but I take solace in the fact that it isn’t the end. Every day is a new day. Every moment a new moment. I think about all the changes I have been able to make and if this is what I’ve done now. Then what will 3 or 5 years later be like? This is a strong motivator. I am thankful for the opportunities that I have been given.

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