I am very frustrated. I have so many things on my mind lately. I am tired, and I know why. I have been drinking almost nonstop for the past 2 months. I probably have gained some kind of addiction. I want to use the weather and how it has been raining almost every single day for the past two months as an excuse. But I have no one to blame but myself. Just what am I running away from lately? What went wrong that I have gone down this road?
I just want to feel good about myself again.
I want to feel pride.
I want to feel youthful.
I am tired of being looked down upon in this country. Maybe a lot of it my own figments and shadows. But it frustrates me to be in Japan where people are surprised about my adequacy. I await the day when no Japanese will say to me, “Do you understand?” or “Wow you could read this?” Even my own girlfriend says these things at times. I hate it. I hate it when they say these things. To me it is obvious to study the language and culture of the place you live in. Japanese need to get over this shit about their language being hard to learn.