I am a binge drinker

I wonder if my increased heart rate has anything to do with trying to sober up and get alcohol out of my body? Man, I can’t believe this is just day 3 (again) since I last drank a lot. I miss not having to think about this shit. I miss just having a drink now and then, but never to the point of getting super drunk. To the point of just pissing everywhere and anywhere in my room. That was a pain to clean up, but by then it was too late because I thought it was a dream. My problem is I am a binge drinker. I like to just get drunk and fast. I think that it might make the things I enjoy better, but I always never end up enjoying them in the end. For the past few months I have been associating alcohol with masturbation too. But the thing is drinking alcohol makes masturbation worse.

Recently I had someone over and they mentioned that they could tell the last owners had a cat. Probably her subtle way of saying my apartment smelled like piss. I miss not having my drinking get out of hand. My drinking was also a cause of me breaking up with my girlfriend. It was just getting drunk and chatting to her online like a total ass hole.

Last time I made it to 5 days sober but then broke it. I am aiming for at least 6 days this time. I am trying to get into the habit of eating healthier again too. No more snack foods or stuff from the convenience stores. No more nights of just drinking beer with nothing to eat. If I’m hungry it has to be something I make. I am eating fruits and more fiber. I used to use the bathroom almost every morning, but since I started drinking almost everyday I stopped. And when I would use the bathroom it would all come out as diarrhoea. Been using the bathroom a little bit lately, and it hasn’t been diarrhoea. I assume that is a good thing, and my body is recovering in some way.

This is a hard road, but I can get back to having a healthy relationship with alcohol again.

Days sober: 3

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Filed under Development, Encouragement, Reflection

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