First Saturday

This is the first Saturday in a very long time where I am actually not nursing a hangover or even feel a desire to drink. I am just so sick of being tired. Being drunk. Being stressed out. I am at the point I can’t handle the stress of day to day without alcohol. I’ve drank a lot in the past but nothing like the past 3 months have been like. Maybe during September/October when I would drink a lot, I’d get a lot of suicidal thoughts. And then the day after I would feel so low after the alcohol left my system. I had never felt like that before. I asked online, and someone mentioned that after your body just numbs out from the constant alcohol. It starts to effect your feelings. Your personality. I cannot deny this.

But lately I don’t feel so. Like I need alcohol. Am I starting to turn around again? Am I now ready to live in reality again? But at what cost? I really put my body through a lot of shit. I have a lot to work on. A lot to build up that I destroyed. But I want to live, and I want to continue.

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4 Comments

Filed under Development, Encouragement, Reflection

4 responses to “First Saturday

  1. I use Alcoholics Anonymous, I’m 9 recovered, also had major mental emotional issues compounded by active alcoholism. I have healed tremendously and know a life I never thought possible. Yours is waiting for you

    • Hello, Byers. Thank you for you comment and congratulations to you. Currently I live in Japan so I am not sure if they have AA. Japan is a tough country because it is quite easy to find alcohol everywhere. And there isn’t such a big stigma to alcoholism in Asia as in other places where coworkers get together often to get piss drunk.

      Thank you for your support.

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