For the past few years since I started living on my own waaay out here in Japan. I’ve noticed when winter rolls around my mood takes a turn for the worst. I feel like it has always done this but I never noticed or thought it was something of concern. No matter how confident or good about myself I feel it will always happen. Never fear when the days start getting shorter so does my mood to keep on going. I’ve come to the conclusion that I must be one of those that just feels down during the winter season. The days are shorter. Less sunlight. Wake up at 5 or 6 and the sun still isn’t out. Not to mention the nights are freezing because Japanese housing is horrible at keeping the cold out. This year was particularly bad because of all the crap that happened at the start of it.
I bring this up because for the past two days the temperature has been rather mild, and the sun is staying out a bit longer. My apartment doesn’t feel like an ice box. My mood is recovering. I feel better about things and for the past month and a half I haven’t had any sort of suicidal thoughts. I’ve put my relationship with my ex behind me. I am no long haunted by the death of relatives nor do I dwell on the possible deaths of other loved ones. I’m open to meeting people but no longer actively looking for a relationship. I’ve also stopped thinking too deeply about turning 28 in a few months. I’ve started changing the way I study Japanese and start using it more at work. I have some other side jobs lined up as well for the coming school year. So some extra income will do me fine. I’ve decided that the next school year will be my last year in this area. I want to move on and live in another area of Japan.
So, I have all these things I’ve come to terms with, and things to look forward to. I feel like things can actually get better. Even though I still have been drinking mostly on a daily basis, and eating the worst of foods. I feel like I can quit, and perhaps I haven’t been drinking AS much as I think I have. I have managed to save about $1000 USD in Yen.
Things are improving. As they say time heals all wounds.