I guess saying that I hate such and such is quite extreme. Hate is a strong word, and I try not to think about the things I hate even dislike or even want to complain about. But I can’t take it much anymore. I am stressed out working at a middle school. The past three years here have been fine. But starting this year, my school merged with another smaller middle school. So they closed the smaller one and now those students come to my school. This turned a pleasant and quiet middle school into something wild. Granted there are still good students. Well behaved students. But they just seem to be filtered out by all the noise from the more nasty students.
I don’t like working here anymore. The attitude of the students aren’t the same. My attitude doesn’t feel the same. There are double the amount of teachers here as well. I largely feel useless and forgotten by all of them unless they need something from me. Hell we have two student teachers here for two weeks. They have yet to introduce themselves to me. I guess they just don’t want to deal with a foreigner.
My complaints aren’t new. You’ll hear the same rants from any foreign English teacher in Japan. The schools are bad, and the teachers do nothing about disruptive students. The foreign teacher is like some kind of tape recorder for the English classes. Largely ignored otherwise.
Some how in the back of my mind, I wonder to myself if it could just be my attitude? This could all change? No one talks to me. No one goes out of their way to greet me. They moved my desk so far away from everyone else this year… Maybe if I just tried? But Japanese will never meet you half way if you’re a foreigner. YOU are the one that has to go an extra 10, 15, or even 50 miles extra or more. I am just really tired of this nonsense.
But on the other hand, I like my alone time. I like being home and in the safety of my apartment but I hate living in this rural shit hole. Thank god I plan for this to be my last year in this area. Tired of not having any bars to go to. Tired of just seeing old people everywhere. Tired of not having a cafe to go to and sit and have a nice coffee. I want to be around people my own age. But then that is where I get worried. Even if I move and get all these things. Perhaps nothing will change. I read of the stories where Japanese people don’t really make friends with foreigners. I am afraid of just being some kind of foreigner accessory for Japanese people. With all my experiences it’s always been language that was a problem. Or people don’t want to meet you halfway like I mentioned.
Should I just leave Japan is something that crosses my mind at times.
I wonder what I should do…?